Monday, December 5, 2016

Dear Death

Most people would be afraid to write a letter to you. But then addressing you does not scare me. Probably, because you never really let me go.
I have wanted to ask you, have you ever lost your mother before you could remember the warm hugs that she gives you? I have. You took my mother away before I could even know who she was.
Have you lost your father? I have lost mine twice – first to alcohol and then to you. But to be honest, I do not not blame you for that. My father chose his path after the death of my mom. And his path would have ended at your doorsteps. It was just too soon in my father’s case.
And seeing my dad for the last time was what chose my path. Because when I saw him, all I wanted was my body to stop hurting. So I ran. Somewhere in that stretch, you lost your hold over me. I figured that there was nothing more that you could do to me. Nothing worse...
And living on the streets, taught me how right I was. You were never a problem.
Surviving was.
Trying to survive the streets taught me that you were a friend. You ended misery once and for all. You did not scare me.
And had I continued that way, I am sure that you and me would have met a long time back. But then neither of us had not counted on Kira Vardhan – the cop who was supposed to find me.
She found me and saved me in so many ways and I relished a mother’s love for the first time in my life.
Growing up – those were some days you left me alone – those were the times when I even forgot you and felt like smiling....
That was when I saw her – Revathi Ram was an impossible woman to miss. At 5’8, with mischievous brown eyes and bouncy hair, she approached life with a zest which I just could not understand. And she loved me.
I tried warning her about you and me, but then she was never the one to listen to things like that.
And when I was with her, I thought that probably you were done playing with me....
And even now I remember her lovely eyes, warm embraces, hot kisses, the exact same way I remember her cold bruised body lying lifeless, as the victim of a hit and run.
The minutes I was waiting outside the mortuary when I was to identify the body was the first time that I feared you. I have never prayed. But I prayed at that time that there was a mistake.
Ten minutes later, I stopped fearing you.
Now as I write this letter to you I tell you without fear that you have lost your hold over me completely. I do not fear you. I just ask you to finish what you started with my mother.


Karan Lovan.

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