Thursday, December 15, 2016

Geeks - A Short Manual


STATUTORY WARNING – TRY YOUR BEST NEVER TO FALL FOR A GEEK OR A NERD. They try their best to push you away, anyway. If despite this you feel that you have found your man please continue. (The reason for using the word “man” is because nerds or geeks are mostly male. There have of course been exceptions)
1. Never use the words Geek, Nerd or any other equivalent word within hearing distance* of subject.
*One of the most important things you have to know while dealing with geeks is 'hearing distance'. It varies not from subject to subject but from what exactly the subject is doing right now. If the subject is doing the non-nerdy things (normal, mundane things that we do everyday), they can practically hear every single breath you take. If they are in their zone, the hearing distance is...well non-existent. Unless by some miracle you actually make them lose their focus, they will not take in a single word you say.
2. If subject wearing high powered glasses pretend it does not exist.
All geeks by nature have been teased or bullied in their childhood, either for their glasses or for just being a nerd. Talking about it leads the geeks to become their equivalent of 'sad'. When Geeks get sad, they and talk about physics/maths/chemistry equations that as usual you would not have a clue as to what they are saying.
3. Never take Geeks out to party/movie with you.
The part that it would be awkward for them is obvious. The more important fact is that you would feel awkward around them with the party. They would not have a clue about what to do and they would resort to their normal behaviour which is pointing out exactly how unscientific the entire thing is. And trust me it really puts you off.
PS: Movies are a definite 'no'. I do not know why but geeks just can never keep their mouth shut during a movie. They have to comment about every single scene, every single shot and they have to point out how badly the movie was made.
4. Kindly never accept any fashion tips from geeks. It could range from being outright bad to embarrassingly silly.
5. Please do not nag. Not because it is boring because it is extremely putting off for us. Geeks have a very short attention span in normal things. They forget things like nagging almost immediately. You would think you have told the same thing to him for at least hundred times. The geeks would have forgotten the previous 99 times very effortlessly.
6. If they have kept a tab open in the computer or a book open at a particular page, never ever read it. If you do read it, you would feel the equivalent to being drowned under sea, except that this time it would be drowned inside information and plenty of it.
And the geeks would most definitely have some marker about why they kept that particular tab open or the book open at that particular page. If you read it, they would get a feeling you are messing around with their things which leads them to 'become sad'. Refer to 1.
7. Never ask a geek a question. They are incapable of answering any questions to the point. The way the answer is given you would undoubtedly feel that it was better not to have asked the question in the first place.....
1. Expect a very high degree of mess surrounding them and try your best never to comment on it. If it really gets on your nerves, you can just throw the entire thing in the trash when the geek is not around. Trust me, they would never know it is not there. They would just continue with the next thing.
2. Geeks could range from being completely neat (freakishly neat) to being stiflingly dirty. I have not yet found the perfect way to deal with that.....
3. There would be more books than any other item in the house. Sometimes there could be beakers or glass tubes filled with vile liquids. KINDLY DO NOT TOUCH THEM OR BE OVERCOME WITH CURIOSITY AS TO KNOW WHAT IT IS. Refer to 7 from DONTS

One of the best things you can have with a nerd around is absolutely nothing in the home ever stays broken for long. Any broken tap, any cracked machine, any unworkable tool will be healed and working like a charm, in no time. The trick is to point out the faults of the machine within the 'hearing distance' of the subject. I do not know why but geeks can never tolerate if anyone talks badly about machines. It really gets on their nerves. They somehow feel obligated to get the thing working as soon as possible.

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